on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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