I can text with my tongue
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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