Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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