He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
