where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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