I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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