I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
