Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
