Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Your penis caused this!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
