i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
