I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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