what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
