Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
