I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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