I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
