Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
