How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
