she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
