i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You're like the curious george of whores
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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