We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
