But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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