I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize