I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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