Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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