Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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