I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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