if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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