Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
