I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize