does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
