You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
