I want to stick my p in your. b.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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