my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
