Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
