Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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