Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
