mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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