is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize