I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my sisters under your porch take her home
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
