I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
