well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
