is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
