OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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