Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My first STD was from a foam party
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
