So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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