I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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