weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
