I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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