Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
