"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
