Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize