It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
