Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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