He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
