Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
