I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
