This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
