You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
