Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
