nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
