Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
