We're like a lot better than the average bears
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
