someone threw a dead crab at me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
