My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
