Your face is a jimmy john
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
where are you?
Hypothermia
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
