were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
