I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
